Astronomy Buff

Astronomers Are Drama Queens

by Tony on July 8th, 2007

Astronomers are an emotional lot.

I don’t know if it’s because we spend all that time alone in the dark with our telescopes or what, but I’ve noticed that we can get a bit dramatic.

This tendency isn’t just limited to professional astronomers, amateurs are that way too. Go to any star party and you’ll start hearing all kinds of people in the dark getting all teary over their first experience with Saturn or the talking about the Hubble Deep Field. I think some of us, and I’m not going to name names, even name our telescopes or, ahem, sleep with them.

If you have a son or daughter named after a constellation or famous astronomer, then you’re doubly susceptible to this kind of thing.

There’s just something about astronomy that brings that stuff out in us. We can’t seem to stop from getting emotional when we look up. It’s humbling in an irritating way to realize how small we are and how unbelievably large the universe is.

We invent religions to help us feel more important and elevate our position in the cosmos, but alas, in the end, we’re just one tiny species among, what we will one day discover, a seemingly infinite number of others.

We are just not that big of a deal.

I’m sure some part of us gets really pissed off at that idea. I’m not saying that’s the only reason we astronomers become emotional, or even the main reason, it’s just one more goddam thing.

As for myself, I’m a drama queen of the first order. I am the grand-poobah of drama queens, the king of drama queens. Sometimes I’m at my telescope crying like a baby, getting all emotional over just how f&*king beautiful the Red Spot of Jupiter looks as it transits across the disk. That happened to me just last week.

I know this isn’t just me, I’ve seen lots of my friends and colleagues get hyper-emotional at very strange times. We’re like a bunch of thoroughbred ponies, jumpy very high maintenance. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s the universe man, it’s just so overwhelming sometimes.

* * *

“Look at that image Frank, look at all those galaxies! Do you know what that means?”, I gasp as I stare at the Hubble Deep Field.

“This image was taken by looking at an empty region of sky.”, I continue. “There appeared to be no stars, galaxies, nothing. Just black space. The Hubble opens its objective and stared there for 11 days man! 11 Days! Look what came out!”, I said with the wild look of a maniac.

“Yeah…. whoa…. I need a drink.”, Frank responds as understanding sinks in.

But I don’t think Frank really gets it, he just wants an excuse to drink. Frank’s a bitch.

* * *

See? Drama queens.

This also affects my everyday life too, I find myself in a constant state of self-examination. I am always looking inward to try and catch any delusional behavior or dishonesties with myself. I hate doing that because I always find some. Always.

I hold lots of hypocrisies and double-standards in my head and heart. I wish they weren’t there, but (sigh) they are.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I’ve recently treated someone very poorly, someone important to me. The actions themselves weren’t SO terrible if I had been more honest with myself, but in the context of what I’ve insisted are my nature and values, they were reprehensible.

We all have things that we think we would never, ever do. “Oh no, I would NEVER do that, I’m just not capable of that…”, we tell ourselves and others.

Piece of advice: never say never. You have no idea what you’ll actually do until you’re faced with it. You’re not being honest with yourself if you are certain of your behavior in a situation you haven’t yet found yourself in.

We often find that same certainty in obsessively religious people, I think you know what I’m talking about.

So I’m NEVER doing that again (heh, heh. Sorry, couldn’t resist).

I love the idea that I’m special, that I occupy some privileged place in the cosmos, that there is some pass-the-doobie reason for all this, but that’s just not true. There doesn’t HAVE to be any reason for any of this. In fact, there probably isn’t.

I think our need to feel special comes from our biology, maybe it gives us some evolutionary advantage: if we feel special and that there is a reason for everything, then we are more likely to want to survive. Of all the animals on this planet, we are the only ones (I think), that live our lives with the knowledge that we’re going to die. This knowledge comes along with having an intelligence, but man, don’t you think that f*&ks with us on some level?

How would evolution cope with that, I wonder? Perhaps it does that by wiring into us a tendency to hold certain beliefs, among them, that we are special. That’s just a guess though, I don’t claim to know anything about anything.

Now, at this stage in our evolution, I think our biology is betraying us, promoting delusional and dishonest behavior with ourselves. I’m not trying to blame my recent actions on my biology, I take full responsibility for those. I’m just trying to expand my own universe and be realistic.

Looking up at the stars is, more often than not, a very calming, centering experience. On some level though, it unsettles me and makes me uncomfortable; I don’t feel safe when I look up sometimes, I become frightened, unsure of myself and my place in this existence, and very emotional. I become a real drama queen.

And I know I’m not alone.

Photo Credit: Me. Yes, I actually have that. Click on the image to read the text, it’s pretty funny. I got that as a gift, I think someone was trying to tell me something.

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POSTED IN: skewed perspective