Dark Matter: What I’m Giving Out This Halloween
People who’ve read this blog for a while, and especially those that have to live with me, have learned that I can be infuriatingly contrary.
If everyone is doing a thing, I feel compelled to do something else (writing a blog notwithstanding, of course).
So, while everyone is giving out Milky Ways, Skittles, Sprees and Kit Kat bars, I’m handing out something different.
Every trick-or-treater that comes to my house will get a ziploc baggie of dark matter.
That’s right, the stuff that makes up 25% of the universe will be yours to enjoy. You’d be surprised at how inexpensive it is.
The exchanges at my house usually go something like this:
DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG
“TRICK OR TREAT!!!”, shout the little bundles known as the future of humanity.
“Oh my goodness! Aren’t you all so precious?! Oh, what are you, Rush Limbaugh? My that IS scary.”
“Well children, here’s your treats!”
I reach into my bowl and distribute the baggies of dark matter to each little bundle of joy.
The kids stand there, looking into their treat bags…
“What’s wrong my little neighbor-spawn?”
“Umm, where’s the candy dude?”
“Oh that’s very special candy, it’s made of dark matter.”
“What, you mean poop?”
“No, no, no, it’s the stuff that makes up 25% of the universe, that’s very special stuff you’ve got there.”
“Oh man, this is lame.”, one little heir to global warming noted.
As he looks over his shoulder, he shouts, “DAD! This guy won’t give us any candy, he’s handing out empty baggies!!!”
It’s funny, but I usually get my year’s supply of toilet paper this time of year. On November 1st of every year, I wake up to the stuff all over my house. Curious.
Anyway, how do I know there’s dark matter in the baggie?
Because there’s five times more of this stuff in the universe than there is everything we can see, smell, touch, taste, hear, deduce, invent, envision, rationalize, imagine, conjure, enchant or believe.
There’s bound to be some dark matter in there.
Enjoy kids! Happy Halloween.
BTW, my little cosmologist-spawn designed and carved that rocket pumpkin pattern.
Technorati Tags: dark matter, halloween
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POSTED IN: skewed perspective
3 opinions for Dark Matter: What I’m Giving Out This Halloween
Autre
Nov 1, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Greetings!
first time I have landed here…looking for some info on Ulysses …and never expected this hilarious post!
Cheers
Autreplanete
ali
Nov 5, 2007 at 5:00 am
Milky Ways might be a safer choice but dark matter sure beats raisins. Love the pumpkin. Good stuff!
Gabrielle
Nov 5, 2007 at 6:56 am
hilarious, as always! We usually manage to dodge Halloween but I will have to remember your suggested treat if we ever find ourselves stuck at home and faced with costumed little ones demanding donations.
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