Duck and Cover

by Tony on April 19th, 2008

heart

Dear Illinois,

Boy, you are just full of surprises. Your unpredictable weather: cold, cold, dreary, yucky, winter with foggy skies. Colorado is not nearly as cold as you, unless you are at high altitudes, like in the mountains. And what now, an earthquake? WTF, Illinois?

You never cease to amaze me. I love you, Illinois, but why do you do me like this? Why do you teaseee? Why, oh why, do you treat this Colorado boy so? After all I went through, after all I’ve been through, leaving everything in Colorado….. for you, for this?!

I was sleeping in my jammies at 4:37am when I was awakened by sounds of an angry poltergeist. The building started to creak and groan, the window glass rattled with great fervor, liquor bottles began to clink together jovially, my bed began to shake uncontrollably.

I lay in bed, still, motionless. Thoughts of Armageddon raced through my head. And, then, after about 10 seconds, it all stopped.

Illinois, corn queen, honey, what is your deal?

Why so moody? if our relationship is to work, you are going to have to be a hell of a lot more stable and a whole lot less cranky. Where is your shining sun, your clear dark skies? your warm, loving embrace? You and me, we can be great together, baby….we can be good. We can make this work. I know we can. I just ask this one thing: just stop being such a goddamn bee-yotch all the goddamn time, okay?

Love,
Your adoring Colorado-man,

Tony

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/18/illinois.earthquake/

corn love