The 50th Anniversary of the Sputnik Hoax
Hey gang! Who can tell me what amazing thing didn’t happen 50 years ago today?
Anyone?
Yes, you there. The man in the back with the yellow shirt that reads “Get Bent”, any ideas?
No?
OK, I’ll tell you. Today marks the 50th anniversary of the day that Eurasia (formerly the Soviet Union) didn’t launch the Sputnik satellite into orbit. Isn’t that doubleplusgood?
What’s more, the Sputnik did not weight 184 lbs, nor was it 58 cm in diameter. It was not launched by an R-7 booster rocket and did not go once around the Earth every 96 minutes. Also, the satellite was not monitored by amateur radio operators as it orbited the Earth.
It did not exhilarate Homer Hickham and not motivate him to become an NASA engineer, and then later not write the inspiring book Rocket Boys which never became the movie October Sky, which never became one of my favorite movies of all time.
The non-launch of Sputnik did not start the dawn of the space age, nor did it scare the sh*t (why do I bother with that asterisk?) out of Oceania (formerly known as the U.S.) and motivate this country to go to the moon.
And let me be clear, the Apollo moon program most definitely DID NOT arise from what we didn’t learn from the experiences of the Mercury and Gemini programs which never occurred either.
Little known fact: the parts of Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Buzz Aldrin and Alan Shepard were played by Zero Mostel, Marty Feldman, Marlon Brando and Gene Kelly during the moon landings that never occurred.
So go out today and drink a Victory Beer to celebrate the thing that didn’t happen 50 years ago today, it would be most ungood of you to ignore this. In fact, it borders on thoughtcrime.
Long live Comrade Ogilvy, who valiantly gave his life so that Eurasia was never allowed to launch Sputnik.
Long live Oceania.
Winston Smith
Goodspeak News Service
Ministry of Truth
Technorati Tags: 1984, apollo moon program, astronauts, george orwell, moon, NASA, sputnik
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POSTED IN: skewed perspective, space program
5 opinions for The 50th Anniversary of the Sputnik Hoax
Samuel Forbes
Oct 4, 2007 at 10:33 am
I knew the moonlanding was a fake. I mean, flags don’t flap in space! Damn you Zero Mostel!
John Kennell
Oct 4, 2007 at 12:15 pm
God I wish I’d thought of that joke.
John
Tony
Oct 4, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Joke? Whaddya mean joke? That’s how it happened… really. ;-)
Oh my god, I used an emoticon. I have to go wash myself, I feel so dirty. At least I didn’t write OMG just now.
Steve P.
Oct 5, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Heh heh. Nice.
Steve P.
Oct 5, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I think your sarcasm is thoughtcrime.
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